Well co-parenting is the ultimate share test…on the most extreme scale. We have to literally share our children. And as we know from growing up, sharing can be hard; especially when it involves something you love so much.

It is difficult and often stressful to put aside relationship issues to co-parent amicably. But in order to provide as much stability as possible our children need to have close relationships with both parents when possible. The marriage may be over but the family is not and successful co-parenting requires us to share our children and put their needs first.

As we know first hand, children may tend to blame themselves for the failure of their parents’ relationship and the last thing we want to make them think is that our time with them causes more fights and further tension. Making our children the subject of a fight makes them part of it. And it should be our goal to keep our relationship with them as healthy as possible.

Once a custody arrangement has been settled, try to respect it. See your children’s time with your ex as time with their Father or Mother (not your ex-husband or ex-wife) and respect that. We know the value of having both parents involved which is why we decided to co-parent – so now we must get used to sharing.

And seeing us “play nicely” will bring much needed security in a time of change. What are some ways you have made sharing your children’s time a little easier?

There is nothing like the relationship between a grandparent and grandchild. On a certain level they get each other like no one else. Where else can a grandchild get totally spoiled and everyone gets away with it? Its why the phrase, “There’s no place like Grandma’s” finds a prominent spot on needlepoint pillows perched upon flowered couches across the country.

But what do you do if Grandma is the ex mother-in-law? Do you or should you maintain a relationship with your ex in-laws? Is it helpful for the family dynamic or just make things more complicated?

While there is no definitive rule book to fall back on, there are the stories that have come before… the good… and the bad. Of course, the good would be everyone gets along out of a genuine love and respect for each other. In this case, the grandchild has an opportunity to grow up with a close relationship with their grandparents, whether they are with their dad that day, or mom. They are free to share stories about their grandparents to both parents, void of worry certain communication would hurt a parent’s feelings. In an utopian situation, even holidays and birthdays would be joint events inclusive of everyone in the family.

However, that is not always the case, not even the norm. In her post, “BioMom vs StepMom: Who Gets to Go to the Funeral”, blogger Brigette Lemos-Norman chronicles the all-too-real unraveling of an in-law relationship when a new wife steps in and replaces the first wife. Philyaw’s best friend was told not to come to the funeral of her ex father-in-law, with whom she had a close relationship. Not only was she not invited, her ex asked her “where would you sit?” if she were to come, cementing with the slash of his tongue her place in his family had deceased along with their marriage. It appears in the post, the breakup of the marriage happened slightly before the father-in-law passed away.

If you and your spouse decide that it is best for the children’s relationships with their grandparents and the overall family structure, what is the best way to maintain this relationship with your ex in-laws? Here are a few suggestions from SheKnows:

• Call them on holidays, especially their birthdays.
• When you speak to them, don’t talk about your ex and try your hardest not to bring him up in the conversation.
• Even if life is a bit difficult for you after the divorce, keep things positive when you speak with your ex-in-laws. Nobody likes a downer.
• If you get re-married or have an important event happening in your life, make sure you include them on the guest list. They will feel special that you thought of them and appreciate that you’re finally happy.
• If you’ve had kids with your ex, make sure to keep the grandparents in their lives by planning events and special days for all of them to be together.
• Drop your ex-in-laws an email or a card once in a while to see how they are doing and let them know you were thinking of them. Consistency in any relationship is key.

Whether you choose to actively maintain an engaged relationship with your ex in-laws or not, it is important to remember what their rights are according to the law. Many states have passed laws granting grandparents visitation rights. In Ohio, for example, grandparents can intervene in divorce proceedings at any time, even after the divorce has been granted and ask for their own visitation scheduled. Check your state’s laws on grandparents and visitation to better understand everyone’s rights.

How would you describe your relationship with you ex in-laws? What works and what doesn’t?

When we become parents, we learn by trial and error. Yes there are the books, like What to expect when you’re expecting. And now there are blogs, and lots of them. But when it comes to figuring out what it means to parent day in and day out, it is only by taking the reigns that we really learn how to parent.

At best, we are able to find a balance between our parenting style, and that of our spouse… and that’s when times are good. Throw in a separation, two lives heading in different directions, and maintaining the previous parenting balance seems to be a thing of the distant past. So what can you do to prepare, reboot, and get back on track?

Redefine Your Relationship – Co-parents are co-workers with the goal of raising children to be healthy, active, and engaged adults. Report to work everyday, be responsible for your duties and obligations, and uphold your end of the deal. Remember the real boss in this situation are the children, who will be directly affected by execution of this exclusive departments’ work.

Recognize Emotional Triggers – When our co-parenting ideas clash, it is easy to turn a mole hill into a mountain to be right or prove a point. In a co-parenting situation there is nothing to gain. Recognize the emotional triggers that lead to explosive conversations, diffuse.

Learn from Alec Baldwin – If you are trying to keep the lid on a boiling pot, we all know what is bound the happen. Make sure you take care of any escalating disagreements through direct communication with your ex (your preferred and most effective method of communication). Don’t take the short-cut through your children. They are not messengers, nor are they to blame. Don’t put the kids in the middle of conversations which should only take place between parents.

Establish “Don’t Go There” Zones – Let’s be honest, you and your ex know each other very well. With that history, through the good times and bad, you both know each other’s hot buttons. During calm conversations, communicate which subjects are off limits and put those in the “don’t go there zone”. Whether that is your dating life or an old argument, work to eliminate bringing those subjects into any conversation with your ex.

Shoot for Consistency- Children can thrive in multiple environments, even if they are somewhat fluid or changing, like moving between two households, as long as there is consistency. Establish the custody schedule and stick to it. Keep the tone and conversations friendly and concise when exchanging the children. Set the rules together and respectfully hold each other accountable to uphold those rules. Remember you are co-workers working daily for the well-being of your children to become healthy and capable adults.

Communicate the “Need to Knows” – After divorce, it may seem your life is your own, independent of your ex-spouse (and in many respects it is). However, when you are raising children together after divorce, there are community “need to knows” which affect the fabric of your co-parenting landscape. For example, a SingleMommyHood reader realized via Facebook her ex was about to have a new baby, meaning her 5 year old son would have a sibling. She knew nothing about the anticipated arrival until a few days before birth. Rather than the mother communicating shock and confusion when her son tells her about his new sibling, it is far better to show a united front and be happy together for such an occasion. Children are also quick to pick up on sneaky behavior, adding unnecessary complexity to a difficult situation.

Co-parenting for divorced couples is similar to parenting for married couples. It needs to be flexible, be reviewed, and be realistic. Your first year co-parenting will look very different from your 14th year. Allow for the necessary elasticity to have a successful co-parenting arrangement for the benefit of your children, while sticking to some of the co-parenting basics as listed above.

You and your spouse have decided to divorce. Together you have decided on your co-parenting schedule. Your divorce is underway. Time to start moving on… and dating? Not quite yet. There are several emotional, strategical, and yes, legal repercussions to dating during divorce with children in the mix.

First, let’s start with the emotional aspects to dating while undergoing divorce. At this point, you are living through one of the most stressful and emotional taxing times in your life. Emotions run the gamut of highs and lows, feeling the surge of new found hope and optimism, matched only by the equally devastating depths of suffering the breakup of a marriage. Aside from your emotional availability to another partner at this time in your life, pursuing dating while going through a divorce could potential enrage your ex, fueling already emotionally driven proceedings. Additionally, family counselors across the country nearly in unison agree, bringing in a new partner too early after or during divorce can have hugely negative outcomes for your children. Dating and especially cohabitation during this time could lead your children to believe you have deserted your family for someone else.

Next, take a look at your strategic position. Whether you are the spouse who has filed for divorce or not, presenting your case with a sound strategic front is your best option to getting an amicable and fair outcome. If you choose to jeopardize this position by filling an emotional void by dating, you are setting yourself up for complications. One divorce attorney warns, dating during divorce could create an angry spouse, turning an amicable and inexpensive proceeding into “a difficult, acrimonious and very expensive battle.” Additionally he argues, “Your spouse may openly or subtly try to alienate the children, relatives and friends against you.”

Finally, a major consideration when dating during divorce is the legal aftermath. Many states allow a spouse to seek divorce on fault-based or no-fault based grounds. Fault-based grounds implicate a spouse’s misconduct is the reason for the divorce, such as adultery. If you live in a state in which dating before a divorce is final is considered adultery, then your case is headed down a more complicated and expensive road. Additionally, dating during divorce could also impact spousal support and property division.

Of course, in the situation of guiding children through a new co-parenting schedule and visitation between two households, introducing a new partner too early could also send the message that your divided time with your children is not as important to you as it is to them. Having a new partner (or “friend”) present during the time allotted with the children, may be sending the message you are not fully available to your children when they are in your custody. This message could easily present challenges in terms of your children wanting to be with you during your visitation times, impacting your relationship with your children while also giving your ex legal and strategic leverage.

So when are you and your kids ready for you to start dating? Here is a simple quiz to shed light on this subject. However, each new relationship and its appropriateness is something that should be determined after careful consideration of all parties involved and is not something that can be answered in a one-size-fits-all approach. Encourage open communication with your children at the introduction of someone new into the dynamic, allowing them to voice any thoughts and concerns.

Marc Anthony used it to post a picture of his new girlfriend, as an apparent jab at Jennifer Lopez’s new relationship (whom his is separated from and in divorce proceedings currently).

A Connecticut judge used it as example of what is private is actually public information between married couples, when he ordered the spouses to exchange passwords.

Divorce attorneys across the US have been quick to jump on it to win cases and child custody fights. (81% of American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers Members, in fact.)

ivorce and Social Networks.

The two are becoming more intertwined as social networks like Facebook and Twitter become more of our daily lives and sources for information, as a place to share that information, and yes, sometimes… vent. Social networks, like Facebook, are also in their very nature a place to meet and connect with people. Innocent as it may seem, Facebook is quickly becoming a breeding ground for not so innocent activity. In fact, a recent study conducted by Divorce Online found that one third of all divorce proceedings in the UK cite Facebook as a the cause of the divorce.

Implicating Facebook in divorce proceedings is nothing new, but the 2011 study found that Facebook mentions in divorce petitions are on the rise, up 13% from 2009. The top three reasons for citing Facebook include: 1) Inappropriate messages to a person of the other sex 2) Separated spouses posting nasty comments, and 3) Friends reporting spouse’s behavior. The study gives more credibility to the growing sentiment dubbing Facebook as the “Marriage Killer”.

So whether you are venting about the over-the-top Christmas gift your soon-to-be-ex-spouse bought the kids without your consent, or just letting your “friends” know you are doing well with the other sex out on the town, rest assured your Facebook posts are not private… not in the world of divorce. Every post, picture, and late night jab could be evidence against you. On the other hand, so could those of your spouse. Our posts it seems, are as permanent as our connection with our Facebook friends, but even that is up in the air once the relationship status goes from “Married” to “Single”.

Huffington Post contributor, Vicki Abelson, recently shed light on why the relationship status matters, especially when one spouse lists themselves as “Married” and the other, “Single”. Today, they are separated. While she is no longer worried about his relationship status, she is worried about his friends… who after initial resistance, became her friends and are now weighing in and influencing their separation based on her Facebook behavior. Abelson concludes, “I no longer wanted to leave just him. They were a lot easier. He got full custody. I maintain occasional visitation.”

While at best we can find humor in the way in which Facebook plays into our relationships, especially when that relationship is going through or has been through divorce, it is undeniable that couples will continue to cross the uncomfortable social network break-up threshold at some point. How we handle ourselves will have a dramatic impact on the outcome once we cross it, not only for ourselves, our family and friends, but also our legal team.

Did Facebook or other social networks play a role in your divorce? How have you handled tough situations involving your divorce and Facebook?